Trigger Happy

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Breaking up is hard to do. And if the split alone is not bad enough, you have these wonderful little things called “triggers” that can set your mind off about your ex. You know what I’m talking about. The songs lyrics. Television shows, stores in the mall, foods, movies…the list goes on.

But an important thing to remember about triggers is that they normally do not work..unless you pull them.

Now don’t get me wrong, there is a time and a place for mourning. And directly after the break-up, it is normal to blow up and explode into emotions. For a little while your hands might still be shaky and sometimes pulling the trigger just…happens. But a problem occurs when sufficient time passes and, instead of ignoring triggers, we become trigger-happy.

In their loss, the broken hearted often take self-pity into extreme overkill. They begin to purposely pull triggers of memories and heartache out of habit and helplessness. Their love drug is gone and instead of focusing on getting clean, they opt to use memory and fantasy to get their fix.

I was a prime example of this. It took me quite a while to get over my ex (way longer than it should have, considering the amount of time we were together). I remember once calling my mom and stressing about how I just felt stuck on him.

“I’m not getting over him, I don’t understand!” I whined.

If you have ever had a conversation with my mom, you know that she will break the truth to you. In love, of course. So she informed me that I was not getting over my ex because I was making the decision to keep dwelling on the past. She told me that I had to make the decision to move on. And it was true.

The reason I was stuck on my ex for so long is because I used to lie around in my bed pulling pity triggers on myself, moping in old memories and asking questions I did not have answers to. But what my mom said brought revelation to my situation. I had the control. The reason I was still miserable was because I was allowing myself to feel that way. I had to want to stop entertaining heartache and put the gun down for my own safety. Thankfully I did, and I now encourage you to do the same.

Every once in a while  you will run across a weapon of emotional destruction.  A song will play that used to play back in the days of your love’s parade. Or you might even run into the little beloved child of God. It happens. But, after you stumble across a heart grenade, you decide rather or not you are going to bring harm to yourself. You are in control. If you don’t want to blow your brains out with harmful memories, then don’t pull the trigger.

Notice I said “harmful” memories. Not all memories with your ex are bad. Some of them, in fact are good. But these “good” memories become harmful when you abuse them and try to find some type of “soothing” pain from them. You are hurting yourself. No, you may not be physically cutting yourself with a blade, but you are still committing self-abuse. You are feeding and festering on thoughts that ultimately hurt you mentally, and sometimes even physically (pretty sure every time my heart was broken that I lost weight).

To get over my ex, I had to begin to renew my mind daily. I had to get out of fantasyland and the past. And you need to as well. When you find a weapon against your peace of mind, do not pick it up. Leave it there and clear the room.

And you must stop making love with them in your mind… both literally and figuratively. Along the literal route, you have to stop replaying all your physical intimate moments (kissing, etc etc). Figuratively speaking, stop making up a “love” relationship with them in your mind.

Put both routes together and this is the message at the fork in the road is: quit purposely replaying or creating precious and intimate moments with your ex in your head.

Matthew 5:28 “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust has already committed adultery in his heart”.

Now my point in pulling up this scripture is not lust. It is to show that your heart does not need you to actually be intimate with someone in order to feel the side effects of intimacy.

Many people keep committing acts of love in their minds with exes after a break-up. In consequence they keep stirring up love in their hearts for their exes and wondering why cannot move on. They cannot move on because their mind is keeping their heart intimate with the other person.

Start taking control of your thoughts.

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

How do you expect to get happy if you are not thinking happy? Think positive!

Isaiah 43:18 “Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past! See that I am doing a new thing, now it springs up…”

Indeed, and His mercies are new every morning. However, you won’t see them if you are still setting off old smoke bombs in the present.

Heartbreak sucks. Trust me, I know. I killed a lot of time there (and almost my GPA at one point). But in the end, it is not worth it. You are still alive, so LIVE. You might feel as if you are fighting to save yourself daily. But you can do it. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Cast your cares upon Him, because He cares for you.

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up ALL their wounds.”

His love will stitch you up better than any temporary threads the world has to offer. So surrender to His way and start pulling the trigger to assassinate emotionally abusive thoughts.

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